 Chuck Norris, ...don't get excited, Tar-Heels |
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| Warbird |
 Feb 6 2006, 04:58 PM
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#1
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 Was Too Honest To Get Into Carolina...  Group: Members Posts: 3,772 Joined: 23-July 03 Member No.: 129  |
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claming that Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris can make a womanclimax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't ###### with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter. |
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| lebo421 |
Feb 6 2006, 05:59 PM
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#2
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 Board Archivist Group: Validating Posts: 3,305 Joined: 21-August 05 Member No.: 764 |
I got a couple more.
Chuck Norris can make a four sided triangle. Chuck Norris once knocked up an entire chapel of nuns in the 1950s. Years went past, and they turned out to be the '72 Dolphins. |
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| HeelTaint |
Feb 6 2006, 11:38 PM
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#3
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 Starter Group: Members Posts: 1,160 Joined: 28-February 04 Member No.: 385 |
I like this message board's Chuck Norris vs. Jack Bauer. http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthre...read.php?t=7052 http://www.jackvschuck.com/jac.html Don't forget the fact that Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. "When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side." Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk. "Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego. This post has been edited by HeelTaint: Feb 6 2006, 11:38 PM |
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| bigaman3853 |
Feb 7 2006, 08:58 AM
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#4
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 Starter Group: Members Posts: 1,165 Joined: 14-January 05 From: Winston-Salem Member No.: 639 |
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man's blindness. Sadly, the first and last thing the man ever saw was a roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ######ing Indian. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. This post has been edited by bigaman3853: Feb 7 2006, 08:59 AM |
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| packchick03 |
Feb 7 2006, 09:55 AM
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#5
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 2006 CSux NCAA Bball Bracket Champion Group: Members Posts: 1,234 Joined: 23-October 03 Member No.: 182 |
Who the heck is Chuck Norris?
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| Warbird |
Feb 7 2006, 11:54 AM
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#6
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Was Too Honest To Get Into Carolina... Group: Members Posts: 3,772 Joined: 23-July 03 Member No.: 129 |
What is wrong with me that I know about all these people who were cool in the 80's and 90's, but NONE of the people my age do? F****ing TBS... |
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| Warbird |
Feb 7 2006, 12:01 PM
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#7
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Was Too Honest To Get Into Carolina... Group: Members Posts: 3,772 Joined: 23-July 03 Member No.: 129 |
 BTW, it was once believed that Chuck Norris had one time been defeated by a pirate. This is merely a rumor started by Chuck Norris himself in order to lure even more pirates to their unyielding demise. Pirates never were that smart, you know. |
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| HeelTaint |
Feb 7 2006, 04:08 PM
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#8
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Starter Group: Members Posts: 1,160 Joined: 28-February 04 Member No.: 385 |
Young (23 and under) people are retarded these days. PackChick shouldn't know about Chuck Norris since all knowledge beyond Home Economics, mothering, and pop fashion are irrelevant to females.  |
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| Warbird |
Feb 7 2006, 04:28 PM
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#9
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Was Too Honest To Get Into Carolina... Group: Members Posts: 3,772 Joined: 23-July 03 Member No.: 129 |
If PackChick comes by your house to kick your ass, let me know so I can be a court witness... |
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| bigaman3853 |
Feb 7 2006, 04:36 PM
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#10
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Starter Group: Members Posts: 1,165 Joined: 14-January 05 From: Winston-Salem Member No.: 639 |
Phew!!! 24, I just made the cutoff. |
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| packchick03 |
Feb 7 2006, 04:43 PM
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#11
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2006 CSux NCAA Bball Bracket Champion Group: Members Posts: 1,234 Joined: 23-October 03 Member No.: 182 |
Ouch! Two insults in one fell swoop! |
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| staugiedoggie |
Feb 7 2006, 08:00 PM
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#12
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 Message Board Icon Group: Admin Posts: 12,591 Joined: 11-May 04 Member No.: 483 |
if you ever got a life changing lesson from walker texas ranger, you might be a redneck
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| Lee Corso |
Feb 7 2006, 09:38 PM
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#13
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 please call him 'little bitch Group: Admin Posts: 3,039,242 Joined: 9-April 03 Member No.: 2 |
Wasn't that Chuck Norris that got his neck snapped by Bruce Lee in "Return of the Dragon"?
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| HeelTaint |
Feb 7 2006, 10:37 PM
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#14
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Starter Group: Members Posts: 1,160 Joined: 28-February 04 Member No.: 385 |
1) Just kidding Packchick. I'm sure you are a regular Mrs. Betty Friedan II.
2) Yes Lee, he got the beat down from Bruce Lee. |
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| Warbird |
Feb 8 2006, 12:49 AM
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#15
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Was Too Honest To Get Into Carolina... Group: Members Posts: 3,772 Joined: 23-July 03 Member No.: 129 |
Yes, but while Bruce's paycheck was "the people's" paycheck, Chuck got to keep his  |
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| packchick03 |
Feb 8 2006, 09:03 AM
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#16
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2006 CSux NCAA Bball Bracket Champion Group: Members Posts: 1,234 Joined: 23-October 03 Member No.: 182 |
Alas, another reference lost on me. |
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| Warbird |
Feb 8 2006, 12:24 PM
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#17
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Was Too Honest To Get Into Carolina... Group: Members Posts: 3,772 Joined: 23-July 03 Member No.: 129 |
^^^Don't worry, I lost it, too. Apparently a feminist ass-hole in the 1960's who wrote "The Feminine Mystique".
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| Wolfpack |
Feb 8 2006, 05:23 PM
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#18
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 Red Shirt Group: Members Posts: 141 Joined: 24-September 05 Member No.: 777 |
rt click my avatar hit proprties anc copy paste the link 2 ur browser
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| HeelTaint |
Feb 8 2006, 09:19 PM
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#19
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Starter Group: Members Posts: 1,160 Joined: 28-February 04 Member No.: 385 |
She died in the past week. You should at least know whats going on now. |
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| packchick03 |
Feb 8 2006, 09:30 PM
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#20
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2006 CSux NCAA Bball Bracket Champion Group: Members Posts: 1,234 Joined: 23-October 03 Member No.: 182 |
Any particular reason I should know that some woman that wrote a book nearly 30 years before I was born died last week? Oh, wait... did Chuck Norris kill her? |
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