Great JB post at IC Options

[Lee Corso]

Man, this is classic stuff

QUOTE

Thus far, his rebuilding record is as follows: a) Mesmerize your fan base with Superbowl rings, anecdotes about the "Trench Fighter" and Dick Vermeil, and talk of "NFL Coaching Camps". Talk often about your love for this University. Speak articulately, so the alumni will assume that you are "smarter" than Torbush. (JoPa sez: when losing, it's better to appear stubborn than stupid.) b) Loot all your buddies out of EZU's staff, guaranteeing you at least one win over their decimated program in 2003 (which you will need). c) Run off the old regime's players quickly (and insult them publically if possible). Pull scholarships of players who quit the team for academic reasons. You must purge the program of all its slackers in order to avoid a repeat of the infamous Players' Mutiny of 1999. (Don't worry about driving your record-setting QB to transfer, because he's got nowhere to go.) d) Massage your fans' ego by agreeing to play Oklahoma and Texas in the same year, creating the illusion that UNC now plays a schedule that will earn them the #2 spot in the BCS standings, (should our exclusion from the MNC game ever come down to that detail). e) Gloriously open the doors of the KFC to the world's recruits (hiring armed guards if necessary to stave off the mob of blue-chippers fighting to get in). f) If the blue-chippers show up at State by mistake, fire your defensive coordinator, rather than simply relieving him of recruiting responsibilities (especially if he disagrees with running NFL defensive schemes using the remaining third-string talent). g) Implement sophisticated NFL "prevent" defensive schemes with whomever is left. It's far better to let the opposing offense grind you down on 6-minute, 99-yard drives than to pressure them and have them burn you on a big play. Slow and painful is good. h) After a horrible 3-9 season, get in the "fast lane". Mesmerize as many recruits as possible with Superbowl rings and your ability to get them into "the league". Spin the losses as the result of Durant's injury. Emphasize that we will have them on the field for all four years of their eligibility, whether they are ready or not. Talk often about your love for this University and intolerance for slackers. Speak articulately, so the recruits will assume that you are "smarter" than Phil Fulmer. i) If you lose a game, praise your staff, and blame the players. Be sure to refer to their positions rather than their names so it won't appear that you are praising your staff and blaming the players. j) If you lose several games, praise your staff and blame the players. Mesmerize your fans with Jumbotron footage of classic UNC wins over Dook. Play "Hells Bells" in the fourth quarter, even if a UNC win was rendered mathematically impossible early into the third. k) If your defense registers as last in the nation, praise your staff and blame the players. Remember, the best part of the year (mesmerizing alumni and recruits) isn't until February. Once you've gotten rid of the remaining slackers, and your own horses are on the field, they will better understand why they are being blamed for losses. l) If you make a bad call at the end of a game that leads to a last-second TD drive by the other team, blame the players for not showing significant improvement during that last minute. Praise the staff if the situation arises. m) If your record-setting QB fumbles on the game-tying drive, praise the staff and emphasize how you are a play away from a different outcome. n) If you win some games, don't really act excited during interviews. Save the excitement in your voice for when you are busy mesmerizing people. Comment that the win is great for the kids, and that you're pleased that the kids are finally starting to listen to your staff. Give your staff the credit for empowering the kids with the ability to win. o) If you punt the ball away with a few minutes left (down by two possessions) just say whatever you want when asked about it. Try to appeal to "the book" if possible. Anyone who hasn't ditched the bandwagon at this point is fully mesmerizable. There's no BS that you can pull out of your @#%$ that can't be remedied by comments of how much the players love the Old Well Walk.

[Wolfpack4Life]

That was classic. But the torches and pitchforks will really come out if they lose to Duke this Saturday.

[paxno1]

Dear Santa -

This year I'd be willing to forego all my presents in loo of a 5 year contract extension for coach jellyroll.

Sincerely,
paxno1




PS You can have all the milk and cookies, but the KFC, burgers, and tacos are for coach.

[Dread]

Lee, dude, where's the link?

That thread probably got locked faster than the bedroom door of a high school kid with his first joint hearing his parents car in the driveway.

[Airborneheel]

TTP rarely locks threads unless they are personal attacks. The thread is still there.

[Dread]

Great JB post at IC

Lee Corso Posted: Nov 20 2003, 10:55 AM

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Don't frequent TTP. They must be a tad more realistic than the myopes over at ic. And I thought the hole fans on THIS board were delusional.

/e whistles.............